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When the past is present : healing the emotional wounds that sabotage our relati
Richo, David
Adult Nonfiction

Comments  Summary  Contents  Author Notes

ContentsPage
Introductionp. 1
1 - What Is Transference?p. 7
How We Defendp. 9
Getting You to Feel for Mep. 11
One of Our Habitsp. 12
The Birth of Our Expectationsp. 16
Do We Hope or Despair?p. 18
How Childhood Continues into Our Adult Relationshipsp. 20
2 - What Transference Does and Whyp. 27
The Cluesp. 28
Causes and Choicesp. 30
Noticing What We Are Up Top. 31
We Have Good Reasons to Transferp. 37
Practice: Address, Process, Resolve, and Integratep. 42
3 - Ways We Can Be Togetherp. 47
The Real You, the Real Mep. 51
Practice: Presence, Mindfulness, and Loving-kindnessp. 54
4 - Reactions and Reactingp. 59
Persons, Pets, Places, and Thingsp. 59
On the Job Toop. 62
Practice: In the Workplacep. 64
The Critic Withinp. 65
Practice: Releasing Ourselves from Our Mythsp. 69
Why Others Get to Us as They Dop. 72
Practices
Seeing What Gets in the Wayp. 74
Openingp. 75
F.A.C.E.-ing Ourselvesp. 75
Searching Questionsp. 76
From Trigger to Anchorp. 77
Handling Others' Reactions to Usp. 78
Practice: Power in Respondingp. 80
5 - How Our Fears Figure Inp. 83
Four Fearsome Hurdlesp. 84
Comings and Goingsp. 86
Giving and Receivingp. 88
Being Accepted and Being Rejectedp. 89
Letting Go and Moving Onp. 91
Practice: Scaling the Hurdles with Gracep. 92
6 - Our Compulsion to Repeatp. 96
Events Too Hugep. 99
Something Ancient and Primitive Within Usp. 101
Why We Are All So Concerned about Abandonmentp. 103
The Impact on Usp. 105
Hate and Hurtp. 106
Practice: Staying with Feelingp. 107
7 - Memories of Mistreatmentp. 109
Ongoing Stressp. 112
Our Delicate Timingp. 114
We Don't All Have to Go Backp. 115
Practices
Honoring Timing and Lifestylep. 117
Identifying What Is Missingp. 118
8 - The Physical Dimensionp. 120
How the Brain Figures Inp. 123
Practice: Alternatives to Freezing Upp. 126
9 - Our Yearning for Both Comfort and Challengep. 129
Practice: How to Grieve and Let Gop. 134
Grief in the Familyp. 137
Regrets and Disappointmentsp. 138
Practice: Handling Regret and Disappointmentp. 140
10 - Mirrors and Idealsp. 143
Our Search for Mirroring Lovep. 144
Can't Live without Youp. 145
A Bridge Appearsp. 147
Where Our Ideals Came Fromp. 148
The Gift of Selfp. 149
How Our Needs Are Transferredp. 151
Transference Meets Us Everywherep. 155
Practices
New Ways of Trustingp. 156
Whom Do We Trust?p. 157
Examining Our Idealsp. 158
11 - Why I Love You But Don't Really See Youp. 160
Sex and Our Erotic Transferencesp. 160
Sex as Addictionp. 162
Love and In Lovep. 163
Daring an Adult Lovep. 165
Working Out Our Relationship Clashesp. 169
How Codependency Arisesp. 171
Practices
Committing to Loving-kindnessp. 172
Entering Another's Worldp. 173
12 - Noticing Transferences in Our Relationshipsp. 175
Practice: Letting Conflicts Help Usp. 176
Good-Enough Relatingp. 178
The Introvert/Extrovert Dimension in Relatingp. 180
Working Back in Timep. 182
We Really Can Be Here Nowp. 183
Practice: Pausing to Check In and Settle Inp. 185
13 - From Transference to Transformationp. 188
Our Psychological Workp. 188
Practice: A Checklistp. 190
How Spiritual Practice Renews Usp. 191
Hidden Helpp. 193
How It All Comes Togetherp. 194
Practice: Opening to Spiritual Shiftsp. 195
14 - Transferring beyond the Personalp. 199
The Archetypes We Live Withp. 200
Acknowledge or Disavow Our Wholeness?p. 203
The Example of Patriotismp. 205
Religion and Transferencep. 207
Light and Darkp. 210
Epilogue: A Jungian View of Our Larger Lifep. 213


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